It felt like a dream. The only thing that was constantly reminding me that it was real was how horrible my heart ached. And how annoying those flight attendances were, always checking up on me.
“can I get you anything, miss Kong?”, asked the extremely pale flight attendance with perfect teeth.
I just shook my head and returned back to staring out the plane window. I doubted she could give me what I wanted, beside the stupid grins all those flight attendances wear.
In normal circumstances I would have said their lives sucked, but considering my life at that moment, It looked like they had it all. Sure, they didn’t have my luxurious lifestyle, but they seemed a lot happier.
I used to be happy too. But I wasn’t.
I didn’t even make sense.
Hell, I didn’t even know what to do anymore. Once, I would have killed to have the chance to go back home in first class and get back to living life awesomely. In Cambodia, my people were the elites. Driving nice cars, wearing designers clothes, everyone wanted to be us. Who doesn’t? We had no care in the world and especially no headache about going broke. And in the states, no one gives a damn about you.
But then there were just endless questions running through my mind like would home still be home? Would I still be able to live my life awesomely after everything? I didn’t know the answer, and I didn’t even know I wanted to find out.
I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I was woken by the flight attendance informing that the plane would be landing soon.
Looking out the window, I could see my country from atop. There were a lot of browns than greens, and roads than highways. No sky scrappers and such, just roofs. The cloudless blue sky gave me a hint of how hot the weather would be, especially since it’s April.
The plane finally landed, it didn’t crash or anything. Meaning I would have to face reality, soon.
I already checked out and got my luggages, and I was heading through the exit. I could feel the heat already, It felt like 40 degree celsius out there. No surprise because April in Cambodia is summer, and it was midday.
It felt strange being back, good strange and bad strange. But one thing I hated the most was how Cambodian people like to stare. As I was strolling down with my luggages searching for my people , I couldn’t help but to notice all eyes on me.
I didn’t know if it was because I was wearing a white skater dress from Topshop paired with Louboutin heels and a Balenciaga bag. But I was pretty sure they had no clue what I was wearing.
Or how much they’re worth.
I heard someone murmured “she’s so tall and pretty”.
I get that a lot here because honestly, I was quite a catch. and I was 1.65m tall. And slender. And I was still wearing 6 inch heels.
It was also wrong that with everything going on I could still dress up. Maybe it’s a habit.
Luckily, I didn’t have to stand there and let people absorb me in because my drivers were good at their jobs. I didn’t know how long they had been waiting, nor did I care, but they greeted me and got to business once they saw me. One opening the Lexus’s door for me, and one handling the luggages.
Heading home, I couldn’t help but feeling nervous and scared. But according to the typical traffic, we wouldn’t arrive home any time soon. It’s sort of annoying that after all these years the traffic still sucked. The cars were all in messy lanes, and motorcycles squeezing into any space they see.
To me, the traffic would be better if those motorcycle or Tuk-tuk didn’t exist.
Just saying.
Turning to the backseat where I was sitting, Kea handed me my sim card. Kea is one of the drivers, well he’s not technically a driver, more of a body guard. He’s in his 40s. So is the other one, named Bo. They have been working for my family about 20 years already, even before I was born.
“Master apologised for not being able to pick you up himself. He’s really happy that you’re back, Khe.” said Kea.
I wanted to reply, but what could I say? That I was also happy?
The sight of Phnom Penh brought back all sorts of emotion. Every part of the city sent me back to memory lane.
I could feel my heart aching again.
Especially since we’re getting closer to my house. Just with the thought of my house, or some would call it mansion, my heart started to pound loudly.
I wasn’t ready to face this.
Hearing is one thing, but seeing it was another.
When the car got to the corner of my house, I could see the long lines of cars.
And I could hear the ceremony music.
I felt sick to my stomach.
Then the car pulled up right in front of the house, I could see faces through the car window. Both familiar and unfamiliar faces. Everything started to become fuzzy and I felt like fainting.
Kea then got off and opened the car door out for me. Forcing my legs to move, I finally managed to get off and started walking into the crowd, where all heads were at my direction.
I knew right then I was not ready to face reality, but it was too damn late for that.
Looking left to right, it suddenly became difficult to breathe. I think I was having my first ever panic attack. Then someone came up to me, I could’t even make out who it was.
She was touching my arm affectionately and sympathetically. “I am so sorry for your loss, Khema. Your parents were good people. I am sure they are in a better place now.”
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